Understand, I’m not putting anyone down; it’s just that many of us have issues and are wounded in some way, and some people choose never to change. And those are the folks we have to keep an eye out for.

We all have choices. And it is our choices that make us who we are. We choose to grow or we not to grow. We choose to live our vision or we choose to live someone else’s. And by the way, while choosing to live someone’s else vision may sound like the easy way out, trust me, to stay that way takes a lot of work.

 

I once heard someone say, if you are not working towards your goals, you are working towards someone else’s.

Many people who are toxic don’t even know it; and they are also difficult to spot. They sometimes come in the guise of being a realist, a pragmatic, or a helpful person. Everyone has a different version of helpful. Being too nice can be toxic if it prevents you from growing.

 

Another type of toxic person is the Dream Slayer. Dream Slayers are recognizable in that they are the voice of mediocrity; they don’t do anything, so why should you?

 

Even great people can be toxic on some issues, depending on their belief system and who was toxic in their system.

As I stated above, many people don't even realize they're being toxic. That may seem hard to believe, but it's true—here’s an example. 

 

I went to visit an old friend (she's not old, our friendship is).  And during the course of the conversation I told her how I was writing a book and about my plans for my workshops. Her first reaction, “What are your qualifications?”

At first I felt I had to justify my qualifications. After all, I’m not writing a book about brain surgery. I'm writing a book about success, goals, vision, and dreams. All things I am quite familiar with. And you can learn pretty much anything (except things like brain surgery) through books, CDs, seminars, workshops, classes, or by asking someone to teach you or to mentor you.

 

Oftentimes people are quick to question you. As I was driving home I realized that she probably questions herself, which stops her from living the life she wants.  My friend is an extremely intelligent woman, yet she's never left the safety of working for someone else, even though she is quite skilled to go out on her own. 

 

The point in this example isn’t what she said, it is what I did with it. What if I had internalized her comment? I could easily have said to myself, “You know, Dennis, maybe she’s right. Who do you think you are, Mr. Big Stuff.” And this would have stopped me in my tracks. But what I realized was that this was her issue, not mine.

 

When people say or do these things to us we have reach inside and reminder ourselves that we can and will accomplish our goals. In the above example, making the goal to write a book and completing it is succeeding.

 

 

We have a right and a duty to ourselves to work towards our goals. Bill Gove, the father of the National Speakers Association said, “We already have inside of us everything we need to make our lives work and to be abundant.” 

 

So the answer to my friend should be, “Why not me?” And my question to you is, why not you?

 

Remember:  “You can’t soar with the eagles, when you party with the turkeys.”